This Won't Be The End
by ColourMeChaos
Summary: The one and only person Bella has ever really seen in her life has just passed away. 1,000 words on Bella's misery, determination, and hurt when the one person she's loved forever dies. Give it a go, please.


**This Won't Be The End**

We were done. This was it. Goodbyes were painful enough, but saying goodbye to the one you loved forever wasn't anything describable. He was gone and I was left to live alone, suffering without his arms around me every morning or his lips to grant me sweet dreams every night. The tears hadn't stopped since we'd been told and I had a feeling they never would. I'd come to his grave every day, I'd tell him how much I loved him and how I would never feel any different no matter how long the hours would feel without his warmth beside me. I'd empty the withering flowers on his bedside table every week just like he did, mow the lawn every month as quickly and efficiently as he did, re-arrange the positions of our living room every year because change was something that excited him, the he'd done since we first moved in together – because he did it. He was gone, yes, but he wasn't dead. No. I wouldn't let him die, I'd keep him alive with good memories and positive quotes, I'd keep all the emotions he'd ever let me feel until I was in my grave beside him and that wouldn't be any time soon. I was determined to live my life long and full and never give in to the diseases threatening to kill me, I'd fight harder than he did and I'd do everything to stop my life being taken from me before I ever got to live it. I wouldn't let what happened to him happen to me, he never got to live and if I didn't make up for everything he'd lost I wouldn't be able to cope with myself. Yet I'd make myself do it because I know that he would push me on, just because he wasn't here hugging me encouragingly, it didn't mean I still wouldn't be able to feel the tremendous warmth and protection of that hug. Everything he ever wanted to, I'd do it for him. Climb a mountain or even that steep hill 45 minutes away from our house and picnic at the very top, bathing in the sunlight that would envelop us, rolling over each other in the fresh green grass laughing at each others stupid jokes and silliness, taking just one month out of our routines to work at McDonalds and see how painful it was running around on your feet all day and scarcely having the chance to sit down, being able to say to someone just once that we'd run five marathons in a year and successfully completed them. Just because he wasn't here to fill our life-long dreams together didn't mean I couldn't do them for him. He and I would still be together wherever we were and I knew that, I was absolutely positive. I could hear it sounding so cheesy in my head but I could feel just how true it was now, how all those widowers in the movies felt. It was extremely easy for me to say, however, that this was real for me. I wasn't just some actress pretending her husband was dead and needing the billions of pounds just to prove myself worthy. My eternity had disappeared in the clouds leaving me to build my confidence up and get myself out in the world, to do the things I never wanted to but always needed to. I would. I would do what we'd dreamed of and I wouldn't give up until I had done it, his eternal encouragement would stick with me forever and make me want to make MYself useful. The few years we'd been husband and wife would be everything to me and those memories I would treasure forever but these next few years where I was going to get in gear and make both him and I proud would be worthy of living. I knew it all. The who, the what, the where, the when, the why and that was because of him, he'd made those few years teach me everything about everything and he did that simply by loving me. And he still loved me, I knew that, because at the very end he had taken a napkin out of his pocket but it wasn't any random one, it was the exact same one I had written my name and number on and given to him when we first met, thirteen years ago. He'd said he'd keep that with him forever and that he wanted to leave the world with it in his hand because looking at the napkin the first night we'd spoken to each other was the first time he'd known he met the only person that would be able to keep the smile playing on his face, he knew it would never falter if it was me he was with and that was the only reason I agreed to marry him, because that smile never fallen once. He was the only one that would put such an effect on me.

My head tilted towards his to place a tender kiss on his cold lips, a slight bit desperate to feel that old warmth there but knowing it didn't matter and it was simply just the newness to this whole world, and looked at his face, resting and peaceful. My fingers trailed down his cheek, caressing his face just once more. He had, in a way, saved me. And I knew, here and right now, that this wouldn't be the end. For us there wouldn't be an end, we'd go on for as long we wanted which I knew was forever. My fingers traced down his cheek and I leaned forward to whisper five simple words in his ear. They weren't 'I love you so much'. I didn't need to tell him that because I knew that in any one simple memory he would be able to SEE the love in my eyes, I'd never stop loving him. No, the words I whispered in his ear were: "This won't be the end." And that was exactly true. This was just a small bump in what we'd have forever. This won't be the end because there never will be an end for us.

**Authors Note:**

**So. Pretty depressing to those of you that understood it, right? Bella's Edward/Jacob had just died due to some kind of incurable disease and these are her thoughts when she's at the funeral. I don't know if it makes sense because I read my own work differently to how I read others and even plain, obvious mistakes slip through my eyes. Please review, whether you're just going to write 'cute', 'hated it' or 'you're an arsehole'. Dude, whatever it is, put it in the box that comes up after pressing review. Just please. Thanks for reading it in the first place, deeply appreciated. :)**

**Thank you, yours sincerely,**

** ColourMeChaos**


End file.
